This gives insight to everything i’ve tried to articulate throughout my blog on a professional journalism level.
Fantastic Glamour article on Body image and minor ego boosts!
What Everyone But You Sees About Your Body
Major ego boost! You may put on mean-girl goggles when you check yourself out—but no one else does. To see yourself clearly, look through the eyes of these experts, who recognize the beauty and sexiness you don’t.
August 10, 2009
Talking trash about our bodies has gotten so bad and so common that a few months ago Glamour reader and jeans saleswoman Gyasi Atkins had to write us to vent. “I finally started telling my customers that they are not allowed to use the word fat in my presence,” wrote the 22-year-old from Columbus, Ohio, who has helped thousands of women find the right jeans. She got us thinking: What else do people with a front-row seat to women’s body issues see? Atkins and seven experts who look at women all day, every day agree that we’re way too hard on ourselves. They believe you can correct your body-image distortions without lying to yourself—and even look hotter in the process. Listen to their words of body wisdom.
“Your body doesn’t deserve to be bashed!”
—Gyasi Atkins, Saks Fifth Avenue sales associate
“Of the 100-plus women who walk into my department every day, almost all will ask me to help them find jeans to fit their ‘fat’ butt or ‘big’ thighs. Instead of letting them feel flawed, I try to convince them that hiding under oversize Mom jeans and baggy T-shirts is distorting what they look like and how they see themselves. I insist that they put on at least one pair that shows their butt so they can see how much more flattering a fitted silhouette is.
“I also don’t feed into negative language. Terms like chunky, huge and gross don’t belong in my store. It’s partly selfish: I don’t want to be influenced by their negativity. Besides, if someone came in and started beating up my customer, I would intervene. The same goes for verbal self-bashing. I like to think I’m breaking a cycle. Even a half hour of seeing your body in a positive light can help.”
“When you focus on the body parts you love, your ‘flaws’ fade away.”
—Madame Athena Chang, portrait photographer
“I shoot nudes, and looking at a roll of film frame by frame, I can literally see the moment when a subject has forgotten about what she considers her problem areas. She’s stopped slouching, rounding her shoulders or even posing. To help her get to that point, I ask what she’s most proud of—her arms, legs, breasts, whatever—and I shoot it. Then we look at those shots together and, more often than not, when she sees them, she comes up with other things she likes. Of course, you don’t need to take nude photos to start feeling better. Look in the mirror and focus your eyes and thoughts on what you like. Do this once a day and you’ll be amazed at how your ‘flaws’ become a tiny portion of your beautiful whole.”
“Sometimes the people who love you the most can be the most judgmental about your appearance.”
—Harriet Sedgwick, bridal gown consultant
“As much as brides want others’ opinions about how they look, it’s best for them to follow their inner voice. I once had a client who was a size 24. Judging from what she wore to the store, I could tell she knew exactly how to dress her body. She really wanted an A-line dress with back pleats, but her mom insisted it made her butt look huge. After trying on tentlike styles that hid her lovely curves—to please her mother—she was mentally exhausted. I felt so bad. I called her the next day and said, ‘Honey, you’re going to find that dress. Stick to what you know you look good in—and you know!’ All women should tune out what others say if it conflicts with what they believe. When you stay true to yourself, you feel good.”
“Self-consciousness is getting in the way of your pleasure.”
—Jennifer Phillips, certified massage therapist
“A lot of my female clients make anxious comments like, ‘You’ve probably never seen thighs this big,’ or they apologize if they have a day’s worth of stubble on their legs. It’ll take a few sessions for them to relax and enjoy the massage.
“Meanwhile, my male clients don’t care. They’re hairy, sweaty, often overweight—and completely at ease from day one. They’ll climb on the table, fall asleep and start snoring. They’re happy to have their beer belly massaged. Sadly, I don’t often ask women if they want me to work on their abdomen because I’ve learned how uncomfortable it usually makes them.
“Physical pleasure cuts stress, boosts your circulation and improves sleeping. So when we let our ‘imperfections’ get in the way, we’re cheating ourselves out of powerful health benefits.”
“You already have body confidence—you just have to tap into it.”
—Ellie Krieger, R.D., author of The Food You Crave and host of the Food Network’s Healthy Appetite
“Early on in my work as a dietitian, I developed a matching policy. Each time one of my clients said something bad about her body, I’d ask her to match it with a good thought. If she told me, ‘I have dimples on my thighs,’ I’d push her for something like, ‘My legs are strong and do what I need them to.’ If you feel silly saying it out loud, you can say it in your head in front of a mirror. The idea isn’t to constantly have ‘perfect’ thoughts or words—that’s unrealistic and draining. The goal is to balance the negative with positive.”
“A ‘power stance’ makes a big difference in how you’re perceived.”
—Andriette Holmes, personal trainer
“I teach women execs who work in male-dominated industries to stand with their shoulders back, navels pulled in, chests up. It says, ‘Hey, I’m worthy.’ When you’re not all pretzeled up, you exude confidence.”
“You can have dessert.”
—Rosanaly Diaz, waitress, The Chocolate Room
“When women show up with friends at the dessert restaurant where I work, they indulge happily. But as soon as guys are around, women insist they can’t handle their own slice of cake. I want us to quit worrying about what we assume guys think. Ladies, order your own dessert!”
“A good tailor can make all the difference.”
—Joseph Ting, owner of Dynasty Custom Tailor
“Eighty percent of women who come into my shop aren’t happy with their bodies. But clothes are based on models who have very specific proportions, so the way I see it, size doesn’t matter. Instead of being obsessed with reaching a certain ideal size, find yourself a good tailor. Sometimes an alteration of a half inch is all it takes to make a piece look truly amazing on you.”
“We have curves for a reason.”
—Sue Baelen, licensed midwife
“Since pregnancy is such a transformational time, I use the opportunity to plant seeds with expectant mothers. I point out that women’s bodies are soft and round for a reason. For example, hips widen to accommodate the weight of a new life. And what we call the pooch—the slight roundness of the belly—stores needed estrogen. We’ve been poisoning ourselves with unrealistic images for so long that we see these parts as liabilities. But we can create life, for God’s sake! So I want all of us, pregnant or not, to embrace the changes our bodies undergo as a part of the natural order of things.”
Once and for All: The Sexy Things Men Really Love
We asked guys all over the country to tell us what their ideal woman looks like, and every one said the same thing: “Confident!” Here’s what else turns their heads:
“What makes women so interesting to look at—and touch—is the contrast between their smaller, smooth areas and the plump, soft ones.” —Sam, 25, St. Louis
“I’m a big man, and I like meat on my bones. If I had to pick the perfect size, I’d say 12 to 18.” —Allen, 39, Stony Brook, N.Y.
“Every woman has her own shape, and whatever that is, that’s what’s up.” —Jerome, 27, Charlotte, N.C.
—Kenrya Rankin Naasel
What Everyone But You Sees About Your Body
Major ego boost! You may put on mean-girl goggles when you check yourself out—but no one else does. To see yourself clearly, look through the eyes of these experts, who recognize the beauty and sexiness you don’t.
August 10, 2009
Talking trash about our bodies has gotten so bad and so common that a few months ago Glamour reader and jeans saleswoman Gyasi Atkins had to write us to vent. “I finally started telling my customers that they are not allowed to use the word fat in my presence,” wrote the 22-year-old from Columbus, Ohio, who has helped thousands of women find the right jeans. She got us thinking: What else do people with a front-row seat to women’s body issues see? Atkins and seven experts who look at women all day, every day agree that we’re way too hard on ourselves. They believe you can correct your body-image distortions without lying to yourself—and even look hotter in the process. Listen to their words of body wisdom.
“Your body doesn’t deserve to be bashed!”
—Gyasi Atkins, Saks Fifth Avenue sales associate
“Of the 100-plus women who walk into my department every day, almost all will ask me to help them find jeans to fit their ‘fat’ butt or ‘big’ thighs. Instead of letting them feel flawed, I try to convince them that hiding under oversize Mom jeans and baggy T-shirts is distorting what they look like and how they see themselves. I insist that they put on at least one pair that shows their butt so they can see how much more flattering a fitted silhouette is.
“I also don’t feed into negative language. Terms like chunky, huge and gross don’t belong in my store. It’s partly selfish: I don’t want to be influenced by their negativity. Besides, if someone came in and started beating up my customer, I would intervene. The same goes for verbal self-bashing. I like to think I’m breaking a cycle. Even a half hour of seeing your body in a positive light can help.”
“When you focus on the body parts you love, your ‘flaws’ fade away.”
—Madame Athena Chang, portrait photographer
“I shoot nudes, and looking at a roll of film frame by frame, I can literally see the moment when a subject has forgotten about what she considers her problem areas. She’s stopped slouching, rounding her shoulders or even posing. To help her get to that point, I ask what she’s most proud of—her arms, legs, breasts, whatever—and I shoot it. Then we look at those shots together and, more often than not, when she sees them, she comes up with other things she likes. Of course, you don’t need to take nude photos to start feeling better. Look in the mirror and focus your eyes and thoughts on what you like. Do this once a day and you’ll be amazed at how your ‘flaws’ become a tiny portion of your beautiful whole.”
“Sometimes the people who love you the most can be the most judgmental about your appearance.”
—Harriet Sedgwick, bridal gown consultant
“As much as brides want others’ opinions about how they look, it’s best for them to follow their inner voice. I once had a client who was a size 24. Judging from what she wore to the store, I could tell she knew exactly how to dress her body. She really wanted an A-line dress with back pleats, but her mom insisted it made her butt look huge. After trying on tentlike styles that hid her lovely curves—to please her mother—she was mentally exhausted. I felt so bad. I called her the next day and said, ‘Honey, you’re going to find that dress. Stick to what you know you look good in—and you know!’ All women should tune out what others say if it conflicts with what they believe. When you stay true to yourself, you feel good.”
“Self-consciousness is getting in the way of your pleasure.”
—Jennifer Phillips, certified massage therapist
“A lot of my female clients make anxious comments like, ‘You’ve probably never seen thighs this big,’ or they apologize if they have a day’s worth of stubble on their legs. It’ll take a few sessions for them to relax and enjoy the massage.
“Meanwhile, my male clients don’t care. They’re hairy, sweaty, often overweight—and completely at ease from day one. They’ll climb on the table, fall asleep and start snoring. They’re happy to have their beer belly massaged. Sadly, I don’t often ask women if they want me to work on their abdomen because I’ve learned how uncomfortable it usually makes them.
“Physical pleasure cuts stress, boosts your circulation and improves sleeping. So when we let our ‘imperfections’ get in the way, we’re cheating ourselves out of powerful health benefits.”
“You already have body confidence—you just have to tap into it.”
—Ellie Krieger, R.D., author of The Food You Crave and host of the Food Network’s Healthy Appetite
“Early on in my work as a dietitian, I developed a matching policy. Each time one of my clients said something bad about her body, I’d ask her to match it with a good thought. If she told me, ‘I have dimples on my thighs,’ I’d push her for something like, ‘My legs are strong and do what I need them to.’ If you feel silly saying it out loud, you can say it in your head in front of a mirror. The idea isn’t to constantly have ‘perfect’ thoughts or words—that’s unrealistic and draining. The goal is to balance the negative with positive.”
“A ‘power stance’ makes a big difference in how you’re perceived.”
—Andriette Holmes, personal trainer
“I teach women execs who work in male-dominated industries to stand with their shoulders back, navels pulled in, chests up. It says, ‘Hey, I’m worthy.’ When you’re not all pretzeled up, you exude confidence.”
“You can have dessert.”
—Rosanaly Diaz, waitress, The Chocolate Room
“When women show up with friends at the dessert restaurant where I work, they indulge happily. But as soon as guys are around, women insist they can’t handle their own slice of cake. I want us to quit worrying about what we assume guys think. Ladies, order your own dessert!”
“A good tailor can make all the difference.”
—Joseph Ting, owner of Dynasty Custom Tailor
“Eighty percent of women who come into my shop aren’t happy with their bodies. But clothes are based on models who have very specific proportions, so the way I see it, size doesn’t matter. Instead of being obsessed with reaching a certain ideal size, find yourself a good tailor. Sometimes an alteration of a half inch is all it takes to make a piece look truly amazing on you.”
“We have curves for a reason.”
—Sue Baelen, licensed midwife
“Since pregnancy is such a transformational time, I use the opportunity to plant seeds with expectant mothers. I point out that women’s bodies are soft and round for a reason. For example, hips widen to accommodate the weight of a new life. And what we call the pooch—the slight roundness of the belly—stores needed estrogen. We’ve been poisoning ourselves with unrealistic images for so long that we see these parts as liabilities. But we can create life, for God’s sake! So I want all of us, pregnant or not, to embrace the changes our bodies undergo as a part of the natural order of things.”
Once and for All: The Sexy Things Men Really Love
We asked guys all over the country to tell us what their ideal woman looks like, and every one said the same thing: “Confident!” Here’s what else turns their heads:
“What makes women so interesting to look at—and touch—is the contrast between their smaller, smooth areas and the plump, soft ones.” —Sam, 25, St. Louis
“I’m a big man, and I like meat on my bones. If I had to pick the perfect size, I’d say 12 to 18.” —Allen, 39, Stony Brook, N.Y.
“Every woman has her own shape, and whatever that is, that’s what’s up.” —Jerome, 27, Charlotte, N.C.
—Kenrya Rankin Naasel
In a nutshell.
This is exactly the point i’m trying to make and the statement that is so misunderstood and under encouraged. We are all beautiful in our own way and no one (especially the media) should be defining what beauty is or how to attain it. There are literally websites and books published that tell you eactly how to get an eating disorder. The word “Anna” in fashion magazine ads are not the name of the designer or brand, it’s code for anorexic. These designers are cleverly integrating them into their ads saying, “if you are anorexic, you should wear our clothes.” The show Sex & the City used to refer to their show as “the show with the anorexic chicks.” as their business slogan. Becoming so skinny that someone can see your bones and you have no definition to your cheeks, face, legs and backside is NOT beautiful. It’s closer to death than beautiful and lively.
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If we continue to pay attention to what the media wants us to be, we will slowly stop noticing what we actually look like and think we are so far off from what we want to be at. I constantly have to remind myself that I am tiny. I’ll admit, I just bought a brand new mirror that I have hung on my mirror and i’d say it’s my “skinny” mirror. It makes everyone look extremely thin, and then right beside this mirror is my bathroom, where I can stand from a distance and see myself and then I always think I look so much bigger in that mirror. But it’s perspective. It’s knowing you’re eating the right thing, exercising, people comment on that your fit, healthy or looking good. Don’t let magazines, movies and models make you feel bigger than you are. Some girls with eating disorders, start them because they don’t see themselves correctly in the mirror. Don’t be that girl, or if you feel like you might be matching these symptoms, know that you are not alone and that you can get help and get back on track. It’s all about intuitive eating and everyone can achieve a beautiful body without starving themselves.
Intuitive eating- it’s the way to go! Not dieting.
- Intuitive Eating-non diet approach:
- 1.) No scales, no measuring cups
- 2.) No label reading, no counting calories
- 3.) Never Diet Again!
- 4.) No Good and Bad foods
- 5.) Exercise you enjoy
- 6.) Taste and enjoy food
- 7.) Honor Hunger/Fullness
- 8.) Eat 3 meals per day
- Whatever you do to lose weight, you have to do it for the rest of your life to keep the weight off or you’ll gain it back.
- Patients that don’t eat breakfast and start lose weight
- 3 months of normal eating to recognize your hunger/fullness
- Intuitive eating will help you lose weight but it will be slow, teaching you to have a good relationship with food
“OMG VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW. SO EXCITED!!!!!!”
So it’s that time of the year again, time for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion. Every girl and guys “favorite” holiday event of the year, because as they say, “It only comes one time of the year, just like Christmas!”
Personally I’ll be honest and say that I’ve never taken an interest to care or even acknowledge when or where the fashion show occurs but this year was different. I was finishing up an evening activity with some of my girl friends and our best guy friends told us to come over and watch the fashion show, I didn’t care to watch or not watch is so we joined. I began mindlessly watching it and then realized how absolutely ridiculous it was. Girls and guys idolizing girls that are in that category of 5’11 and 115 lbs and a size 0 that is only attainable by 1.8% of the world genetically. Some of these girls that praised by so many people to be beautiful and amazing looked as though they were coming straight from Auschwitz from the Holocaust and had barely survived. Thin and lean does not began to describe these girls bodies in an effective way to do is justice. These girls strut down the run way probably having nothing to eat and barely anything to drink. You know they have spent months preparing to look their absolute best as they are half clothed in front of millions of people.
I then paused and thought to myself for a second, THIS is why girls have eating disorders. This is why only 2% of women in the whole wide world call themselves beautiful. 0% of women in Japan call themselves beautiful and only 6% in Brazil admitted to it.
These women that we are watching on TV half naked as we celebrate this event like it’s christmas in their scandalous lingerie and such is why girls feel that that’s what they need to be. Almost every girl I know that watched it either said, tweeted or facebook posted that they were starting their “diet” the next day.
After seeing women with these “beautiful” and “perfect” bodies, everyone feels inferior and that that’s what they need to become to be noticed and called pretty. But girls need to realize, that’s not pretty. So thin that you could past out at any moment isn’t attractive. Yes, some guys and girls will say it is. But in reality, confidence and flaunting and accentuating your natural features is what’s the most attractive.
Find confidence within yourself and show them off. Don’t try to be stick thin. If we all looked like this the world would be such a boring place. Variety is what makes this world beautiful and magnificent. No one wants to be clones of each other, we should all be unique in our own way and embrace it.
“Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
Terrific advice. There will be girls that will be small, average sized, curvy and large. But what’s wrong with that? Beauty radiates from within and from your confidence and how you hold yourself. Even if you’re stick thin but have no confidence or self esteem, you will not be considered beautiful. Your reflection of yourself on the inside shows through the outside. They say beauty is skin deep but ugly goes straight to the bone.
So what can we do to not let this “fashion show” impact everyone so heavily? Not draw attention to and quit viewing it. Quit purposefully making yourself feel bad. You don’t have to stop eating sweets and starve yourself. Everything is fine in moderation if you can monitor your intake and have healthy portions of good food and your treats too.
I have so much respect for guys that choose to not particpate in watching the show. I have so much respect for the guys that admit those girls are far too thin and should have some meat on their bones. I have so much respect for the guys that tell even just their good girl “friends” that they are beautiful and look good how they are. If guys understood the lasting impact they can have on girls and their confidence and mental and emotional self-esteem, I believe that they would never stop complimenting us. It can make the world of difference.
For instance, good for this individual:
“This status is not intended to offend any one individual, but rather all girls who watched and enjoyed the Victoria Secret fashion show. I think it is stupid. Why watch training on how to be objectified by men? I wonder how many girls already decided what they are going to wear for next Halloween as a result of last nights show. #Diss”
Point made.
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To go along with my previous blog post regarding the ridiculous expectations set for society and young children. We should not be exposed to unrealistic standards. This is why our perception of beauty is completely distorted and we need to do what we can to rebuild it so young girls and girls older as well feel more comfortable in their own bodies and UNDERSTAND that these standards are impossible to achieve without starving yourself, overworking yourself at the gym and being unhealthy.
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So that beautiful barbie that children cherish and play with all growing up is in this picture above. The expectations of the body that barbie has as a plastic doll seems fine with the miniature doll that you dress up, but if you were to put those portions and apply them to a real body, the above picture is what Barbie would actually look like. In 2010 Matel Inc. came out and claimed that the current barbie doll is “too” fat and that they need to reconstruct her body and make changes. The very first barbie doll that ever came out came with a scale that said 110 lbs and a book that said “how to lose weight,” when you opened the book it simply said, “do not eat.” We don’t realize that culturally these small things such as what our children are playing with are affecting the way kids feel about themselves. Girls age 5 to 7 years old reported less body esteem and greater desire for a thinner body after exposure to Barbie’s compared to girls who saw images of dolls with healthy size, such as the Esme doll. Our generation is not realizing that the standard of beauty that is being set is not attainable without health risks. 8 out of 10 girls in college have an eating disorder and the media should be to blame. But the media is what we are praising and we are praising the celebrities that starve themselves, we praise the fact that the barbie doll has this “ideal” barbie. Everyone wants be thin, blonde, blue eyes, busty and skinny waist and legs. But look at this picture, is this beautiful? We believe thin, tall girls are “ideal” and we want to be just like them. The teen ideal is to be 5’7, 100 lbs, blue eyes and blonde. Why is that? Why do we feel that we all need to be the same? Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Embrace the natural features that you have an accentuate them with confidence. Don’t try to conform to a unhealthy standard that is set. Only 1.8% of women can genetically be 5’11, 117 lbs and a size 2. That is 1.8% out of 100% of women in the whole world, not just the United States. We need to think about what we are exposing children to at young ages and realizing the negative affect that they are having on the mental and emotional estate of young women. 80% of 10-year-old girls are dieting as of 1998. Our media exposure has been drastically increasing since then so it can be assumed these statistics have increased even more rapidly since then.
You can’t airbrush the real thing: How media affects women
Written by me published in the UVU Review last year:
Photoshop allows the media to piece together women to fill the pages of magazines, which sets a standard of beauty that is impossible to achieve.
Dr. Nicole Hawkins’ studies show that after only three minutes of looking at a fashion magazine, 70 percent of girls feel depressed, guilty and shameful of themselves.
“I didn’t realize there were that many girls with that many problems,” said freshman Business major Nathan Northcott. “As guys, we should all be more sensitive to their thoughts. Media has conditioned men and women to think this way and it should be addressed more.”
Magazines, modeling recruits and television have created this “perfect” image. These women are airbrushed, digitally altered or suffering from eating disorders. These women have unreal or unhealthy bodies and they make women feel obligated to lose weight.
Although it’s evident that the media is altering people’s perceptions of what beauty should be, it’s beginning to affect people at younger ages. Girls from ages five to seven were reported to have less esteem for their body and a greater desire to be thinner after exposure to Barbies versus girls who were shown images of dolls with a healthy size, such as the “Emme Doll.”
Adding to the negative effect, Mattel Inc., which manufactures Barbie, has decided their current model of Barbie is too fat and needs to become thinner. Such a change will only drastically increase the negative tilt of these statistics, further highlighting the fact that by age five, 14 percent of girls are dieting, and by age 10, 80 percent will be dieting.
“I feel this is definitely a very prominent, needed topic,” said Amy Grubbs from Student Health Services. “Body image is a huge issue on campus and across all campuses throughout the country. This is why we have Dr. Nicole Hawkins speak once a semester.”
As much as we’d all like to believe it’s not, body image distortion and eating disorders are a common issue on this campus.
“Guys and girls come in struggling with just their body image, seeking help before it can translate into a disorder,” Grubbs said.
While media’s influence on beauty still remains a prominent issue, there is progress being made. The Australian edition of Marie Claire recently featured former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins on it’s cover with no airbrushing. A few months later, Jessica Simpson posed for a cover that wasn’t airbrushed either.
“The media should show a variety of images, not images of perfection,” said Dr. Hawkins. “Some are moving toward that and being received positively by all audiences.”
Aside from this, just promoting awareness of the issue can make all the difference for even one girl.
Even though the media has defined what “perfect” should be, that doesn’t mean it’s too late to change that definition. For girls of all ages, self-esteem and body image can be improved through small steps as the media industry continues its progress.
briannastruthaboutbeauty 